Grandboy (playing a video game): Gwumpa, can you get me some pizza?
Me: No, boy, you’re big enough. Take a break and go get your own piece of pizza
Grandboy: Awwww PLEEEEASE
Me: Nope. Go get it.
…
Grandboy: Gwumpa can you get (looks at my raised eyebrow)… me a HUUUG?
(hug)
Grandboy (whispering): and some pizza?
Grandboy: …and her dad, he got stung by a WHOLE LOTTA yellow jackets and died. I don’t know if she said he was allergic but it was A LOT.
Me: O no. I’m sorry he died.
Grandboy: Yah, and.. hey, wait. Do you REALLY MEAN that or are you like, (in a mocking, singsong voice) “Oh nooo, I’m SO SORRY…”
Me: No really, that’s a sad thing for her family to go through. Think about it.
Grandboy: I KNOW. That’s why I wanted to know you knew that.
—
Oi, he’s getting that defensive armor already. I’d forgotten how brutal second grade can be!
Grandboy plays in the dirt for a few hours)
Me: Hey you’re really dirty. Shower time.
Grandboy: OK GWUMPA
(Grandboy re-enacts every scene from Spinjitzu, including the ‘falling into the abyss’ and ‘rainforest battle spectacular’. It seems soapy feet add to the challenge. At least it sounds like it from the safety of my room…)
Grandboy: Can I have soda for breakfast?
Me: No.
Grandboy: Can I have soda for breakfast?
Me: No.
Grandboy: Can I have soda for breakfast?
Me: No – WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME REPEAT MYSELF?
Grandboy: I’m reversing TIME gwumpa. That’s my superpower now. Can I have soda for breakfast?
—
I see why Superman’s earth parents had white hair, haha
Grandboy (stands up, cracks his head): OWWWW
Me: O hey that looked like it hurt.
Grandboy: WHY DO THEY MAKE THESE BEDS SO SHORT?!?
Me: Because they are bonk beds.
Grandboy (does THE LOOK)
Me (does the INNOCENT look)
Grandboy: Oh I get it because they are bunk beds you call them bonk beds. Gwumpa, sometimes…
Grandboy is upset at prayer time. I was firm on the, “no, you can’t have a slice of pizza now” position:
Me: Ok, you don’t want to thank God for anything today. That’s ok. Is there anything you’d like to ask Him for help with?
Grandboy: Well, that mama stays safe and has good dreams, and the puppies stay safe and have good dreams, and me too. (Cracks a grin) But the next part, you may not like it…
Me: O really, what’s that?
Grandboy: Well I was going to say that you have bad dreams and the house gets destroyed, but that’s a bad prayer to ask for, so I pray you stay safe and have good dreams too.
Me (in my best “Princess Bride Grandpa” voice): Well, that does sound like a better one to pray for. I think you’ll sleep better too, knowing this house isn’t coming apart, huh?
Grandboy: Yes gwumpa but even if your house was destroyed I’d be ok, right? Cuz of my prayer?
Me: God works in mysterious ways, boy. I’d not push my luck.
Grandboy (watching me fight a character on a game and lose): Gwumpa. You gotta use a STRONGER POWER. You’re fighting the Gubbament…
—-
Someone be learning dat boy right, I reckon
Grandboy: I’m Superman.
Me: You’re Soup and Ham?
Grandboy: No. I said I’m SUPERman
Me: You’re Snoopy Dad?
Grandboy: AAAUGH NOW I’M SUPER MAD
Me: I thought you said you were
Grandboy: GWUUUUMMMMPPPAAAAAAHHHHH
Grandboy has graduated to the next level: Making video games instead of playing them.
Nothing spectacular – at this stage he’s doing the equivalent of using sandcastle-making tools to throw sand in the air and bury the other tools. But that’s how kids learn, yep?
Roblox looks to be one of the best ways for kids to learn object-oriented programming.
His goal is to “publish games on the platform so he can use them on his own YouTube channel that he’ll host. The channel will feature the music he’ll create during his night job. Engineer by day, deejay by night.”
His words, not mine, haha
Grandboy: I have a girlfriend, you know.
Me: O, really?
Grandboy: Yah. She’s at school. She’s squishy.
Me: Squishy?
Grandboy: Yah, I hugged her once and she’s squishy.
Me: Boy, you’re too young to be thinking about girlfriends. And when you ARE old enough, don’t go round calling them squishy or you’ll get in trouble with ’em.
Grandboy: Even if they ARE squishy?
Me: Especially then.
Grandboy is teaching me music basics. When I sing a tune in what I think is in a minor or diminished key, he gets angry. Same tune, in a major key, gets kudos (yes, good JOB, Gwumpa) and he may even chime in to harmonise. Some folks pay money for that kind of tutoring, haha
Grandboy (playing a video game): What is that FLIPPIN’ zombie doing?!?!
Me (in a dangerous rumbly voice): WHAT did you say, boy?
Grandboy (realising the gravity of the situation): Oh, no Gwumpa I mean it’s really flipping over and over like cartwheels but forward, look Gwumpa look at the screen…
This is one of the grandboy’s fav songs. Nice to know it’s still got power after 35 years 🙂
Grandboy: Hey Gwumpa whatcha doin’?
Me: Resting my head in the table.
Grandboy: Why?
Me: I’m just a little tired, that’s all
Grandboy (sounding like his mamasan): GWUMPA you need to REST. Your body needs REST. Go back to bed.
Me: …
Grandboy: Hey Gwumpa, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s NIGHTTIME. The sun is down so let’s go to sleep. C’mon!
Me (looking up at the window): Boy, it’s bright outside and 7:30 in the morning.
Grandboy: Use YOUR IMAGINATION
Me (thinking): What’s going on in his head?
Grandboy: (humming the tune of “In the Hall of the Mountain King”, by Edvard Grieg as he plays with a stuffed bunny. The bunny appears to be leaping into a crevasse, but I may have misinterpreted its battle cry)
https://youtu.be/PC7-29kM0SA
Grandboy (ankle deep in mud, water hose spraying a rainbow into the air): BWAHAHAHAHA
Me: …
Grandboy (kicking a toy car out of the deep mudhole he created from the hose spray): AND THAT MY FRIEND IS THAT
Me:…
Grandboy (aiming the hose along the cement patio, splattering mud everywhere)
Me: What are you doing?
Grandboy: I’M THE KING OF THE OCEAN. I’M FLOODING THE TRI-STATE AREA
Me: Ok king, but don’t forget to get your cars out of that hole. Once the mud dries, you aren’t going to find them again.
Grandboy: YES THE KING HAS A GOOD ADVISOR. BWAHAHAHA (more rainbows fill the sky)