Grandboy (casting a fishing line): Grandpa, I love fishing.
Me: Yep.
Grandboy (casting again): But I’m not catching anything.
Me: Then it wouldn’t be called “fishing”. It would be called “catching”.
I really don’t hate my life
Grandboy (Sitting on the floor next to a toy aisle): Hrmph.
Me: No.
Grandboy: But I want a RYAN toyyyyyyy
Me: This is not a discussion we’re having. C’mon, I’ve got the toys I’m getting. Let’s go.
Grandboy: I’m not leaving without a RYAN TOY
Me: Then you aren’t leaving. I am. I’ll be driving down the road heading home and you’ll be sitting on the floor here and eventually we’ll BOTH be in trouble. Is that how you want this day to go? (I walk)
Grandboy (thinking, weighing the options, and knowing I WILL leave him there): Ok.
Me (still walking): …
Grandboy: I hate my life
Me: Ah. Ok. (Puts toys on a shelf) Let’s go. (No anger, just a logical response to a bad scenario. I’m teaching him that discipline can be applied without anger.)
—
Later
Grandboy: Grandpa, you know when I said I hate my life?
Me: Yep.
Grandboy: I know I was just angry and I didn’t mean I hate my life. I was just angry.
Me: Then that’s ok to say. Perfectly ok to be angry. What you do with anger, now that makes the difference.
Grandboy: I should have done something different, huh?
Me: Yep. You’d probably have some stuff now instead of nothing. But you learned something, so that’s not time wasted.
Pretend your life depends on it
Grandboy and I were playing the “Pretend Your Life Depends On It” game this weekend…
Grandboy (weakly stretching forward): Grandpa. I can’t reach that toy car. Can you get it for me?
Me: Nope, you get it. Pretend your life depends on it and you’re by yourself.
…
Grandboy (straining): Grandpa. This is too hard to open. Can you open it for me?
Me: Nope. You open it. Pretend your life depends on it.
…
Grandboy (looking up the stairs): Ugh, grandpa I don’t want to go up there to get my book. Can you go get it for me?
Me (the look)
Grandboy: AUGH I KNOW… “Pretend my life depends on it…” (stomp stomp stomp)
(Coming back down) But when will my life ever depend on me going upstairs to get a book? Or doing any of these things?
Me: You never know, boy. Figure it out now so you won’t be sad later. You figured out how to do that stuff on your own, didn’t you?
Grandboy: Yah.
Me: Learning how to learn is the best thing to learn.
Grandboy: Grandpa, sometimes you say things that are hard to understand. But that’s ok I still love you.
From the good guys’ lair
Grandboy: … and then the bad guy comes out of his lair and attacks the people.
Me: And the good guys?
Grandboy: They come out of THEIR place…
Me: Their lair?
Grandboy: YAH. The good guy lair.
Me: I’m not sure good guys have lairs.
Grandboy: OF COURSE THEY DO GRANDPA. That’s where they practice how to protect people and get strong (pumps muscles) and stuff
O the tears
Grandboy (making a horrid noise while shouting about the outcome of a video game)
Me: Oi boy, what’s all that noise you’re making? Shut that down NOW.
Grandboy: AUGH THAT’S THE SOUND OF MY TEARS FALLING OUT OF ME
TheGrandkidStore dot com
Grandboy: Ok that’s it. I’m not drinking anything for 1000 days
Me: O, you’re that angry with me, are you?
Grandboy: YES! ONE THOUSAND DAYS. And then I’ll be dead. How does that sound?
Me: Sounds like a sad way to make me sad.
Grandboy: And THEN what will you do?
Me: O me? Well, I’ll just go to TheGrandkidStore dot com and order me another grandson.
Grandboy: Huh?
Me: Not to worry, I’ll order a replacement just like you. You know, because I like you and all.
Grandboy: You can’t do that.
Me: Why not? Where do you think you came from?
Grandboy: O funny, grandpa. I know I came out of my momma’s belly.
Me: O THAT’S what she told ya, did she? Clever gal. Now I have to let her know I let the news slip out.
Grandboy: O.O
He eventually caught on and played along, saying he’d go to Grandpa dot com to see if there were any on sale this week
Ears to you, ol’ chum
Grandboy (disembodied voice): HEY GRANDPA you can’t find me
Me (resisting the temptation to say, “because I’m not looking”): Are you under the table?
Grandboy (giggling): No
Me: Are you… (we go through a series of places where he’s not)
Grandboy: C’mon, grandpa, you have to actually GUESS.
Me: Are you inside Elvis (the dog)?
Grandboy: NO you wouldn’t hear me. His mouth is closed.
Me: But maybe you’re talking out of his EAR.
Grandboy: Ewwww that’s gross. But a pretty cool idea. (thinking) That’s actually pretty cool if it wasn’t so gross.
—–
He was under the couch, btw
Honey, would you run upstairs please?
Grandboy (after snack-eating all evening during his visit): Grandpa I’m STILL hungry. Can I have a spoon of honey please?
Me: Sure. But you have to run up and down the stairs 10 times. Up and back counts as one.
Grandboy: WHAT??!?
Me: How bad do you want the honey?
Grandboy (on his way down from #8): So if I do ANOTHER ten I can get a second spoonful of honey?
Me: Nah. You can eat two spoonfuls if you do another ten.
Grandboy: Yay!
Grandboy (huffing and puffing and enjoying his spoonful of honey): Ah maybe not. If I do another ten, even for TWO spoonfuls of honey, I’ll be too tired to enjoy it, so I’d rather just enjoy the taste of one for now. Maybe later.
Risky business
Grandboy turned a sandbox into a giant Risk board.
I had to wait to fire my cruise missiles because I moved my plane one space to the right and used up my turn.
Line in the sand
Grandboy did it on his own…
Grandboy: Ok, grandpa, here I put lines in the sand. No one crosses the lines.
Me: Or what happens?
Grandboy: O YOU can cross the line. And me too. But NO ONE ELSE.
Me: Why can we cross the lines and no one else can?
Grandboy: Because we are the ones who built the place.
Me: Ah. So the planners and builders have special privileges.
Grandboy: Of course, that’s how things work
EXXXXXXELLLLLLLL
Grandboy (playing a game, and is frustrated): Grandpa, I can’t get this to work. The instructions say to press (x) but when I press (x) it doesn’t work!
Me: That’s why I don’t play that glitchy game (Roblox). The instructions the developers give don’t always work. And many times the system crashes.
Grandboy (giggling): Would YOU ever think of playing Roblox, Grandpa?
Me: I’d rather debug someone else’s Excel macros.
Grandboy: Whoa Grandpa, that’s intense
Castle Crashers
Kids’ drawings are amazing in their simplicity and complexity. Here we see an attacker and a defender. A shark is involved. There is an element of shock and awe here; even the castle is surprised.
Update:
Ah the artist corrected me. Here’s the real story:
The fella on the left is on a raft with a flag because he’s visiting (not invading) from another country. He’s being attacked by sharks.
The fella on the right is trying to help his new-found friend so he’s shouting out directions. His flag (NOT A BUILDING, GRANDPA) is not surprised but is a flag of the sun.
No wine was involved, spilt or otherwise 🙂 But I did ask. I got the “GRANDPA” holler. Sometimes it’s fun to poke a bear.
Hope it doesn’t hurt
Grandboy: Grandpa, you’ll live a long time.
Me: I hope so.
Grandboy: But when you DO die, it won’t hurt, will it?
Me: I don’t know.
Grandboy: WHAT?!? YOU DON’T KNOW IF IT’LL HURT???!!?
Me: Yep. Depends on how it happens. I might get in a car crash. Or just die nicely in my sleep when I’m very old.
Grandboy: Or get eaten by a dinosaur.
Me: Yep. That’s in the realm of possibility.
Grandboy: Or get eaten by a zombie.
Me: Yep. That too.
Grandboy (giggling): Or get eaten by BEES
Me: Ok, that’s enough of THAT bit.
Grandboy: I hope it won’t hurt when you die.
Me: Me too.
Grandboy: Because then you can’t enjoy it.
Me: That’s so true. I hope I enjoy it.
I’M THE PRESIDENT
Grandboy (waving his hand in the air): I’M THE PRESIDENT. You must do what I SAY
Me: No, actually we voted you into office. So you have to do what we ask you to do.
Grandboy: Wait, what? The president doesn’t have all the power?
Me: All elected officials are here to represent us, not tell us how to live and what to do.
Grandboy (mind blown): Oh, well then YOU can be president and I’ll tell you what to do.
—–
How quickly the path of power flows. I love the sound of liberty waking up
We need a tree-making machine
Grandboy: Grandpa, we should all stop using trees. We need trees for OXYGEN
Me: Well, we need to use trees to build things. Stopping all use of trees isn’t practical.
Grandboy: Maybe scientists can come up with a way to make MORE TREES. Then we’d replace the ones we use.
Me (raising an eyebrow)
Grandboy: (thinking) oooooo that’s called PLANTING SEEDS, right, grandpa?
Me: Sometimes the simplest things are the best.
Orc or Baby Bumblebee? Tough decision
It was either a fuzzy cuddly bumblebee or a battle orc to get at the corner shop.
I’ll give the grandboy credit, he honestly gave the decision some thought. In the end the orc won.
Young master wanted the fight to be fair and didn’t think the bumblebee was ready for it yet.
