Gwumpa Stories

Grandboy: O wow that’s tricky.

Me: That’s ok, keep trying.

Grandboy: Ummm I don’t think it’s supposed to roll up like that (uses fingers to push it back down)

Me: Try pressing harder as you push the blade

Grandboy: It’s not sharp (rolls blade on his arm)

Me: That’s ok. It’s sharp enough.

Grandboy (now in the groove, cut, press pieces down with his fingers): Yah pushing down harder works. Cut cut push push.

Me: … (eye twitching)

Grandboy: O wow I’ll have to wash my HANDS after this.

Me: Yep. I hope you washed your hands before we started. Would you like a piece?

Grandboy: No thank you grandpa. I just wanted to see how to use the pizza cutter.

(We look at the organized carnage that used to be my gourmet pizza on the cutting board)

Me: Well it’s good to learn something new! Next time we’ll practice not separating the pieces with your fingers, yah?

Homeschooling rocks.

The grandboy saw this pic and laughed at the silliness of it.

Grandboy: A haha! Mona Lisa dabbing 😁

Me: How did you know that’s Mona Lisa?

Grandboy: What? You’ve never heard of Leonardo Da Vinci? He painted the picture.

Me: Ah I didn’t know he knew about dabbing back then.

Grandboy: GRANDPA

Me: (cough)

Grandboy: WAAA grandpa what if you have cova?

Me: Well then you have it now I suppose 😊

Grandboy: HEY you’re like the worst grandpa ever in the world.

Me: Well at least you can’t say I’ve never given you anything 😁

Me: … so you can choose to be happy. No one can make you happy.

Grandboy: Just like I can choose to be angry. Right? I can choose that too?

Me: Yep. And you can choose what to do with your anger. There’s a lot of energy that comes with anger.

Grandboy: Well, hmm (thinking out loud) ten percent, ten percent I’d use for physical training. Like running or punching bags. Then thirty percent I’d use to help people, like putting groceries in their cars or cleaning their yard. Then twenty more percent would be for learning things because I’d have a lot of energy still. That’s over half my anger gone. Then twenty more for teaching people how to do things when they are angry. That leaves twenty percent left for me to play games that let my anger out.

Me: That’s a really interesting plan.

Grandboy: So…(calculating) that’s 30% used for my own stuff and 70% used to help other people. I think that’s ok.

Me: I think that would work.

Grandboy: But I’m just a kid. When I’m a adult I might change my mind. I don’t know everything yet.

Me: Well it’s perfectly fine to adjust your plans as you get new information. Time for sleep now.

Grandboy: Yah and we can play Minecraft in the morning, right?

Me: Yep. New adventures tomorrow

I may have done a very good or a very bad thing.

Grandboy was fantasizing about a combo washer & dryer invention. After he finished describing it I told him he needed to write down the idea on paper so other people would know he came up with the idea. The word “patent” was mentioned…

He immediately grasped the idea of monetizing intellectual property. He said he’d let the people who made the things keep 1 out of every 10 dollars because, “you know, it WAS my idea but it would be selfish of me to keep all the money”.

We kept driving for a bit and then another idea hit him.

Grandboy: Hey grandpa!

Me: Hm?

Grandboy: I can alsoly come up with an invention for the MILITARY and the government would have to give me money for my idea. They have a lot of money and that would last a long time, right grandpa?

Me: Well, we’ll see about that

— later, as we’re getting out of the truck

Grandboy: O grandpa I came up with the idea of opening the truck door for me so now you have to pay me FIFTEEN DOLLARS

Me: Well that’s not how it works, boy. First it has to be an idea for something someone can make. Then you gotta…

Grandboy: DOOR HANDLES

Me: …gotta WRITE IT DOWN BOY. And you have make sure someone else hasn’t already owned the patent. That’s why writing and reading is so important. You’ll get to ‘rithmetic once you’re counting all your money.

Texas grandboy is over for a bit so of course it’s time to break out grandpa meal… I’ve ice cream and “The Greatest Cookies in the World”

But shhhh don’t tell mamasan

Grandboy (explaining something he created on Minecraft): …and this guy, he’s a big one. That’s because he’s the LEADER of the team. And he’s STRONG. Don’t get me started on the leader…

Me: O really? And why not?

Grandboy: Well, it’s because he… (continues for about 15 mins talking about THE LEADER)

Me: …

Grandboy: … and then that’s all.

Me: Ah. So did I get you started on THE LEADER?

Grandboy: Nah. (Thinks a bit) Well, may be you DID get me started. But just a little bit.

Grandboy: …and THIS guy, his name is Claws, he fights off the bad guys with his huge CLAWS. When he’s done there’s nothing left.

Me: Claus? Isn’t he the guy who gives presents to good kids?

Grandboy: O no grandpa, that’s SANTA Claus. He’s a different guy.

Me: Maybe he’s the same guy, and his Claws come out at night when the bad kids are acting up.

Grandboy: Yah that makes sense.

—

(Apologies to mamasan. I can’t help it sometimes)

Grandboy (waving his hands over one of my contact juggling balls): Grandpaaaaa I’m reeeadinnnng yourrrr fortuuuuuune…

Me: Oh that’s nice. Is it good fortune?

Grandboy (same voice): In fifteen years… you’ll meet the love of your life. And you’ll have babies. A boy and a girl.

Me: Huh. That would be interesting. That means your momma could have a baby sister.

Grandboy: Yah! A baby sister.

Me: And that means you’ll have a new aunt. Just like your uncles.

Grandboy (thinking)

Me: And you can help change your aunt’s diapers.

Grandboy (mind blown): Wait a minute. I’D BE CHANGING MY AUNT’S DIAPERS. She’s supposed to be older than me. BUT SHE’D BE A BABY

Me: So maybe I shouldn’t have any new babies. That would just confuse everyone, huh?

Grandboy: Yah Grandpa that would be confusing.

Grandboy (running from the gate to the house, with galloping dogs in tow): STAAAAMMMMPEEEEED

—–

Good to know truth in news reporting still exists 😊

Me: The word, “fire” is an odd word.

Grandboy: Why is that, grandpa?

Me: Well, “fire” can burn something, and you can “fire” a weapon, and a boss can “fire” a person. Same word but they have different meanings.

Grandboy (thinking)

Grandboy: No, they come from the same thing. A “fire” can hurt you by burning you. And someone can “fire” a gun and can hurt you. And when a boss “fires” someone they usually kick the guy out of the door with a BIG BOOT. And that can hurt you.

Me: Huh.

Grandboy: So they kind of DO mean the same thing!

Me: You figured it out. Would you like some fire pizza?

Grandboy: Ah! No thank you

Grandboy: Can I have some ice cream?

Me: Nope. Can’t have ice cream for breakfast.

Grandboy: Awwwww. Please?

Me: Nope.

Grandboy: But when?

Me: After lunch.

Grandboy (thinking)

Grandboy: Can we have some lunch now?

Grandboy: “…boss baby.”

Me: Would you like to be a boss baby?

Grandboy: No.

Me: Why not?

Grandboy: Why do you always ask me things? AAUGH that’s like me asking me your deepest darkest secret.

Me: Ok.

Grandboy: So… What IS your deepest darkest secret?

Me: That I have a grandson who doesn’t want to tell me why he doesn’t like to be a boss baby.

Grandboy: AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH

—

Later:

Grandboy: Are you writing this? Stop writing this.

Me: Why?

Grandboy: Because.

Me: It doesn’t matter, no one reads these anyway 🙂

Grandboy: O you’re the best grandpa ever.

Me: Yes.

Grandboy (looking over my shoulder): I DID NOT SAY THAT.

Me: Hee hee

Grandboy: Grandpa are you afraid of heights?

Me: No, I rather like high places.

Grandboy: Wow. You LIKE heights? It doesn’t bother you to look down?

Me: Nope.

Grandboy: So what DOES bother you?

Me: Drops. Falling bothers me. There’s a big difference between being up high and leaving the high place quickly.

Grandboy: Grandpa, how did you get your golly stones?

Me: My what?

Grandboy: Your golly stones. You know, the ones that made you go to the hospital.

Me: O you mean my gall stone.

Grandboy: Yah your golly stones. How did you get them?

Me: I don’t know. I don’t think we know what causes them.

Grandboy: Did you touch something like at work or outside? That could have caused them.

Me: Nope. Nothing I touched caused it.

Grandboy: But how do you KNOW that? You said we don’t know what causes them.

—–

Doctor or lawyer. Or technical analyst. He’s on a path here 😁

Grandboy: Ooo he looks dangerous.

Me: Hm. I’d hide for a bit and get your strength back.

Grandboy: Good idea (he hides).

Me: O he’s a lot stronger than you. I’d head back to a safe place and do a quicksave.

Grandboy: That’s a good idea grandpa.

(He saves the game, then beats the challenge a few minutes later after some difficulty.)

Me: Wouldn’t it be nice to have a quicksave in real life?

Grandboy: YAH! That way you can do ANYTHING and come back if you make a mistake.

Me: Heh but in real life you can’t, so you’d better be good at being watchful and knowing how to handle mistakes 🙂