Grandboy (playing Plants vs Zombies): Grandpa I learned that it’s sometimes not a good idea to go rushing into the area. I did that when I was younger and got killed. So now I look around before going in.
Me: Sounds like real life, boy.
Grandboy: What? O yah like if you run into an area filled with lava.
Me: Or go into a staff meeting unprepared
Me (Staining a wood wall with toxic fume-y chemicals)
Grandboy: Grandpa I’m having a hard time breathing and it feels like the room is spinning.
Me (Alarmed): WHAT? Boy let’s go outside and get fresh air. Hurry.
Grandboy: It’s ok grandpa. I was just (spinning around in a circle) SPINNING FOR FUN and I’m out of breath now. But going outside is a good idea. This place stinks
Grandboy (putting a Lego kit together): You know, grandpa, federal gov’t that’s out of control is actually scary.
Me (chuckling): Why do you say that?
Grandboy: BECAUSE GRANDPA if one group has all the power they can take your house and things and stuff.
Me: Yep. But we have ways to stop that from happening.
Grandboy: We do? But that’s the government.
Me: The folks who made out government structure put rules in place to keep that from happening. They were smart folks.
Grandboy: Sometimes I’m scared of things.
Me: Like what?
Grandboy: I don’t like to say their names, because, you know, I’ll start worrying about them.
Me: It’s ok. I’m scared of things too.
Grandboy: REALLY? Like what.. o you probably don’t want to say.
Me: It’s ok I can say it.
Grandboy: You CAN? You’re brave. What’s scares you?
Me: Reckless tax spending and a federal gov’t that’s out of control.
Grandboy: I meant like zombies.
Me: Yes it’s the same thing, boy.
It’s that time of year again where it’s my civic duty to explain to the grandkids the similarity between Santa Claus and 1984’s Big Brother
Grandboy (chopping tree brush with a hand axe): Whew
Me: Just be careful.
Grandboy: Yes grandpa
Me: Because if you get hurt, it’ll be an axeident
Grandboy: Uhhh
Me: Because you’re using an AXE
Grandboy: Uhhh
Me: And it will be an AXE…
Grandboy: If I laugh now, can we take an ice cream break?
Nice! So I can call my ninth great grandmother, “Gigagran”
Grandboy (playing a game): Do you know what I’m looking for?
Me: Mmmm. A girl worth fighting for?
Grandboy (scoffs): No grandp… actually, yes. Yes a girl worth fighting for. But right now I’m looking for secret loot.
(We sing for a bit)
I don’t know if I ever told y’all the story of the black Zen cube I have. It was a gift from the grandboy.
When he was like 5 yrs old he wanted to try solving one of my cubes. I let him have a go and went off to do other things.
He came back later and asked me to help him. He’d chewed off a handful of the stickers. I don’t know where they all went but he handed me the cube and a couple of the stickers and asked for help.
I had a choice. I could get angry and try to find the missing stickers, then try to solve the cube without putting them back on, then put the missing stickers back on.
He looked at me with his big eyes and hopeful face and asked me again if I could fix it.
So I did. I removed all the stickers and handed him the cube. I told him I wasn’t happy that he chewed the others off, but maybe later he could use another one if he proved to me he wouldn’t chew my things up.
He had fun with the black cube for a while til he got bored and handed it back to me.
And now it’s a desktop remember that I can take an accidental mishap and turn it into a peaceful – and sometimes beautiful thing. When I’m feeling really frustrated I sometimes pick this up and fiddle with it, knowing it doesn’t matter if I “solve” it or not.
It’s always solved and always broken no matter what. Kind of like each of us are. That helps sometimes 😊
Introduced the grandboy to the original Willy Wonka. We’re both singing to the musical parts
Me: Say the word “wristwatch”
Grandboy: Wristwatch.
Me: Ok, say it a couple of times again
Grandboy (repeats it)
Me: Ok. Now say the word, “Irish”
Grandboy: Irish.
Me: Ok, say it a couple of times again
Grandboy (repeats it)
Me: Good.
Grandboy: Why did you want me to say those words?
Me: They were easy to say, right?
Grandboy (scoffs): Yah, grandpa. Like a baby could say them.
Me: Ok now say, “Irish” and then “wristwatch” together.
Grandboy: Irish wishwah
Me (smiling)
Grandboy: Iwish wistwash
Me: Hehehe
Grandboy: I rish wist AAAUGH
Me: Not so easy, huh?
Grandboy (realizing his brain is broken): Grandpa I can’t say it
Me: Ok just say each word by themselves
Grandboy (succeeds)
Grandboy: BUT WHY CAN’T I SAY THEM TOGETHER?!!?
Me: It’s a mystery, boy it’s a mystery
Me (showing a video of Homer Simpson saying “d’oh!”): And that’s Homer Simpson from an old tv show.
Grandboy: Huh. I’ve never seen that show. How old is it?
Me: Well it was made before you were born, boy.
Grandboy (in awe): Wow. So the Homer Simpson show was made THAT long ago?
Me: O yes, sir. Now let me tell you about a show called, “Bonanza”…
Taught the grandboy how to operate the zero-turn riding mower today.
He thinks I’m being a fun grandpa.
I’m planning for my yard care replacement, haha
Grandboy (as we’re cutting down trees on Minecraft): Grandpa, tell me a Dad Joke
Me: I WOOD if I knew any
Grandboy: Ha that’s a good one!
Me (waving my axe in the air): But first I have to AXE this tree a question
Grandboy: Aaugh grandpa
Me (collecting the lumber I’ve cut): I know what time it is. It’s TREEt-hurty in the afternoon
Grandboy: Now you’re hurting my soul, grandpa
Grandboy (singing loudly)
Watermelon, sugar, EYE
Watermelon, sugar, EYE
Watermelon, sugar, EYE
Watermelon, sugar, EYE
Me (thinking): the lyrics actually are…
Me (thinking more deeply): at his age, I’d be embarrassed to death if I didn’t know the lyrics. He’d likely stop singing if I corrected him now
—
Who knows? Maybe he’ll paint that future famous surreal mural of a Watermelon Sugar Eye someday
“Grandpa help”
Haha the timestamps on the pics say it took from 4:47p to 5:02p to sort this one out. That’s a record
