Grandboy (shouting excitedly): Gwumpa hey momma’s taking us to the NEWSEUM now!!!
Me: Newseum?
Grandboy: Yah the NEWSEUM where they have dinosaur BONES and all the FOSSILS and all kinda old things
Me: Well then why is it called a NEWseum if it has old things? Shouldn’t it be called an OLDseum instead?
Grandboy (rolling his eyes): GWUMPA that’s just how it’s called, I dunno WHY it’s called like that
Mamasan wishes me the best of luck today… Ice cream, sugary cereal and pudding breakfast for the grandboy.
She’s escaping to work shortly so she’ll miss the fun
Grandboy (to the abbreviated tune of “Footloose”): Fruit Loops, Fruit Loops, everybody want, everybody want, everybody want fruit loops…!
One of these days we’ll have movie night and then the dancing shall begin
Grandboy (coming in to cuddle with me on my temporary cot bed**): Wow Gwumpa this sure is smaller than your real bed.
Me (snoozily): Yep.
Grandboy: But it’s very CUTE
Me: Yep. Here I scooted over for you.
Grandboy (climbing over every one of my body parts): There’s no room for momma to cuddle on here.
Me: Nope, just room for us two.
Grandboy: YAH if momma tries to cuddle on here she fall off and BREAK the GROUND
Me: Shhh not too loud boy
** I’ve boxes still on the”real” bed since drywall repair is still underway. Good thing I like camping, haha
Ah! My monkeys and my circus are back in town for a spell. Will be posting Gwumpa Stories again shortly :p
Mamasan (on speakerphone): Dad, what do you think I used for this site’s user ID and password?
Me (chuckling): I don’t know what you would have used… maybe try [email address]?
Grandboy (piping up): GWUMPA wat you mean you don’t know? You know EVERYTHING.
Me (laughing) I don’t know EVERYTHING, [grandboy’s name]…
Grandboy (whispering to mamasan loudly): How he know it’s me talking…?!?!
Me: Cuz I know EVERYTHING, boy
Took the grandboy to see the Donald Trump biography that’s out in cinemas now.
He thought he was watching The Angry Birds movie. If nothing else, the computer graphics were fantastic
Grandboy (shaking the bars of a gate): Hey Gwumpa let’s pretend we’re the bad guys and have to break our way out…
Me: How bout this? Let’s pretend we’re the good guys and the bad guys trapped us in a cage. They are making us dependent on their federal aid.
Grandboy: YAH Gwumpa we have to call our good guy friends to help us join a team and stop them.
— If the boy’s going to pretend, might as make it head in a practical direction
Me: Hey I’m cleaning the kitchen now, ok? Don’t get into the supplies please
Grandboy: …
— I think I miss him more than I thought I would :’)
Grandboy (waiting for corndogs in the microwave, and frustrated, arms crossed): Hmph. Gwumpa YOU eating cereal and I’M not eating.
Me: Yes, you said you wanted corndogs for breakfast. You have to wait for them to warm up.
Grandboy: But I have to wait. (Stomps foot) That’s not FAIR.
Me: Boy, LIFE ain’t fair. We chose two different things. Not every thing’s the same. Ain’t fair for me either. I don’t get to eat a corn dog.
Grandboy: Yah you don’t get a corndog.
Me: Unless I eat yours.
Grandboy: HEY THAT’S NOT FAIR
Grandboy: GWUMPAAAA you hugging me too hard. You gonna pop meeee
Me: Ok I’ll hug more softly
Grandboy: And then you’ll have no kid any more
Me: Eeek that won’t be any good.
Grandboy: And then your mom, i mean my momma will be SOOO disappointed you kill me.
Me: Yes, she might even give me a time-out.
Grandboy: YAH. So hug me like THIS (gives me a hug).
My Gwumpa Stories will be fewer and farther between after this week… Mamasan and The Grandboy are heading off to different pastures soon.
It was inevitable – mine was just a temporary safehouse in a storm.
And, like all little birds, these are ready to start flying on their own.
But not without a little breath of Gwumpa prayer to accompany God’s wind beneath their wings.
Grandboy (in his car seat, yawning): Gwumpa why you take me to school in the dark? Momma doesn’t take me to school in the dark.
Me: Ah I have to get to work before momma, so I have to leave earlier.
Grandboy: But why you work? Momma works.
Me: I need to make money and help my friends at work get stuff done.
Grandboy: But why you need money?
Me: I want to help people and take care of things like the house and car and food. Also I need to save money to take care of myself.
Grandboy (shocked, sad): Ohhh gwumpa you can’t take care of yourSELF. You need a helper to fight with you and watch for when bad guys come and protect your stuff.
— Ah the boy gets it. My job is done here.
Grandboy (playing a game): Oh [bleep]
Me: What? Grandboy: I said, ‘Oh [bleep]”
Me: That’s what I thought I heard. Don’t be saying that.
Grandboy: Oh that’s right Gwumpa. Little kids can’t say [bleep] only grown-ups can say [bleep].
Me: No one should be saying that. Please stop.
Grandboy: Ok I stop saying [bleep]. i won’t say [bleep] any more i promise.
Me: You just said it right now!
— Suddenly I had to turn away because I was reminded of a Monty Python skit that always made me laugh so much…
Me: Hey don’t walk on the floor. It’s mopped and very slippery.
Grandboy: Look I can walk on the floor (hops) and I can dance on the floor, Gwumpa (spins)
Me: O now look, you can fall on the floor, too. Cool trick.
Grandboy (picking himself up): That’s NOT FUNNY Gwumpa
Me: Then why am I laughing?
Grandboy (playing a game where double-jumping is vital to success): Uhhh Gwumpa help me
Me: You have to keep trying to learn how to get past this area. Jumping is as important as fighting.
Grandboy (falling again): AAAUGH hmmm
Me: Here, let me try
Grandboy: Yah! I can learn from you how to… (watches me fall, takes the controller) No thanks, I already know how to fall, Gwumpa.