Lady on video game: If you’ll take my hand, your majesty, we’ll make our way there.

Me: But if he takes her hand, she’ll have only one left.

Grandboy (puzzled): Huh? (gets the dad joke) Ah grandpa that’s just something people say when they mean, “Come hold my hand”.

Me: Hm. Maybe people should say what they mean.

Grandboy: It’s just called ‘manners’ grandpa. That’s when you say the right thing even if it’s not what you mean.

Me: I like this song.

Grandboy: It’s a nice song.

Me: I first heard it when your momma was almost your age.

Grandboy: Really? She was 8 years old?

Me: No, she was like 12, I think.

Grandboy (frowning): GRANDPA. That’s not even CLOSE.

Me: Ah. Just give it a few decades.

Grandboy: What’s a ‘decade’?

Me: You’ll find out soon enough.

Grandboy: Grandpa.

Me: Ok. You’re almost a decade old. A decade is ten years. Some people are many decades old.

Grandboy (thinking): Yah like someone who’s 100 years old is ten decades old. That’s rare for someone to be ten decades old, huh, grandpa?

Me: Yep. I might live to be ten decades old maybe?

Grandboy: Yah you might live that long. You’re pretty old already, so you might make it.

Grandboy (rapping): …so don’t tell me what to do

don’t tell me what to do
if you tell me what to do
I’ll be so mad at you

if you tell me what to do
I’ll tell your momma too
I’ll tell your momma too
don’t tell me what to do

Me: What if it’s your momma telling you what to do?

Grandboy (hushed tone): shhh that’s just part of the song

Grandboy (playing Forza Horizon and looking at cars to play): Oooo grandpa that car looks SICK

Me: Ah I hope he feels better soon.

Grandboy: Ya.. huh?

Me: That car. I hope he gets better from the sickness.

Grandboy: O no that means they’re COOL. Not like (cough cough) sick.

Me: It’s not cool to be sick.

Grandboy: Yah, it’s not cool to be (penny drops) hey you know that’s just a SAYING, right? Not like really sick. Just like COOL.

Me: Because when you’re sick you’ve got a fever and that’s opposite of cool.

Grandboy: Grandpa.

—

Better quit while I’m ahead. Angering the boy isn’t sick.