Grandboy (making a horrid noise while shouting about the outcome of a video game)

Me: Oi boy, what’s all that noise you’re making? Shut that down NOW.

Grandboy: AUGH THAT’S THE SOUND OF MY TEARS FALLING OUT OF ME

Grandboy: Ok that’s it. I’m not drinking anything for 1000 days

Me: O, you’re that angry with me, are you?

Grandboy: YES! ONE THOUSAND DAYS. And then I’ll be dead. How does that sound?

Me: Sounds like a sad way to make me sad.

Grandboy: And THEN what will you do?

Me: O me? Well, I’ll just go to TheGrandkidStore dot com and order me another grandson.

Grandboy: Huh?

Me: Not to worry, I’ll order a replacement just like you. You know, because I like you and all.

Grandboy: You can’t do that.

Me: Why not? Where do you think you came from?

Grandboy: O funny, grandpa. I know I came out of my momma’s belly.

Me: O THAT’S what she told ya, did she? Clever gal. Now I have to let her know I let the news slip out.

Grandboy: O.O

He eventually caught on and played along, saying he’d go to Grandpa dot com to see if there were any on sale this week

Grandboy (disembodied voice): HEY GRANDPA you can’t find me

Me (resisting the temptation to say, “because I’m not looking”): Are you under the table?

Grandboy (giggling): No

Me: Are you… (we go through a series of places where he’s not)

Grandboy: C’mon, grandpa, you have to actually GUESS.

Me: Are you inside Elvis (the dog)?

Grandboy: NO you wouldn’t hear me. His mouth is closed.

Me: But maybe you’re talking out of his EAR.

Grandboy: Ewwww that’s gross. But a pretty cool idea. (thinking) That’s actually pretty cool if it wasn’t so gross.

—–

He was under the couch, btw

Grandboy (after snack-eating all evening during his visit): Grandpa I’m STILL hungry. Can I have a spoon of honey please?

Me: Sure. But you have to run up and down the stairs 10 times. Up and back counts as one.

Grandboy: WHAT??!?

Me: How bad do you want the honey?

Grandboy (on his way down from #8): So if I do ANOTHER ten I can get a second spoonful of honey?

Me: Nah. You can eat two spoonfuls if you do another ten.

Grandboy: Yay!

Grandboy (huffing and puffing and enjoying his spoonful of honey): Ah maybe not. If I do another ten, even for TWO spoonfuls of honey, I’ll be too tired to enjoy it, so I’d rather just enjoy the taste of one for now. Maybe later.