Grandboy: AAAUGH!!!
Me: What are you doing?!
Grandboy: This rolling pin landed on my back.
Me: Boy, I’ve never seen a rolling pin involved in so much activity in one weekend. I need to put that thing up.
Grandboy: It’s ok, it’s not the rolling pin’s fault. It was GRAVITY.
Me: Well you know what I’m not allowing here on your next visit. GRAVITY. That’s causing a lot of problems.
Grandboy (carefully flattening his cold piece of pizza with a rolling pin)
Me: Why are you smashing your pizza with a rolling pin? Don’t goof around. Eat your pizza.
Grandboy (licks the rolling pin): I AM GWUMPA. Look at me eating it. It’s yummy
Me: Who gave you this thing, anyway?
Grandboy (holding my rolling pin): Gwumpa what’s this thing?
Me: It’s a rolling pin. You can use that to make cookies.
Grandboy: Or smack bad guys (gives a noisy demonstration)
Me: Or do both.
Grandboy (stops, thinks): O yah I can MAKE cookies, then GIVE them to the bad guys so they’ll be too busy to be bad.
Me: There you go.
Grandboy: And THEN I smack them while they’re eating.
Me: Oi boy. You’re not getting my vote as police chief.
Grandboy is unhappy that I call him by his alter ego’s name. That would be “Mister Attcheu”.
As in “Mad Attcheu”
As in “Gwumpa! I’m Mad Attcheu”
Usually said with a frowny face.
Grandboy (holding up an old watch he found in the truck’s center console bin): Hey Gwumpa does this watch still work?
Me (looking over at the watch, noticing the second hand isn’t moving): No, it’s stopped. I think it needs a new battery.
Grandboy: Oh! Can I have it?
Me (thinking, “Awwww he wants to be like his grandpa”): Sure, will you take care of it?
Grandboy: Well, I wanted to crush it to see what would happen.
—-
Ok so maybe he’s a little more like me than I thought he’d be.
(We watch an advert for a phone app that scans one’s surroundings to warn if one is going to trip over something)
Grandboy: Wow that’s a cool idea.
Me: I have an app that works even better than that. Want to see it?
Grandboy: SURE
Me (pull out my phone): Watch carefully. (Open the screen)
Grandboy (leans over): Let me see.
Me (push button to close the screen): It’s called the “Put yer phone in yer pocket when walking” app.
Grandboy: Ahhhhh I get it.
Me: And your phone doesn’t even have to be on when you use it. That’s what makes it better than the one we just saw. Nothing’s so important that you have to be moving while you’re reading your phone.
Grandboy: You should tell people.
Me: I might just do that, boy…