Grandboy: Gwumpa hold on. Please wait. I have something in my shoe.

Me: It’s probably your foot.

Grandboy: AAAAUUGH

Me: Ok, I’ve ordered the food. It’ll be here soon.

Grandboy: Awww I’m hungry NOW. Make me some Gwumpa Oatmeal…!

Me: No, food’s on the way. Just wait please.

Grandboy: HUNGRY NOW I want food. Oatmeal, pleeeeese gwumpa? Gwumpaaaa…..

(this goes on for a while)

Me (angrily calculating): Ok. Fine.

Grandboy: Huh?

Me (I make a quick batch of oatmeal, and speak while making it): You’ll get the oatmeal. It’s made the same way as always. Same ingredients. Same way. But you won’t like it.

Grandboy (puzzled): Why? You make it the same way but it won’t taste the same?

Me: No. Because I DON’T want to make it for a shouting, screaming little boy. But I’ll make it. And you’ll see what I mean. (I set steaming bowl of food down in front of him)

(I go back to cleaning, but stop after hearing a noise)

Me: What are you doing?

Grandboy (putting a mostly-uneaten bowl of oatmeal in the fridge): I’m thinking I maybe don’t deserve this Gwumpa. I’m saving this for later when I think I’ll deserve it. I think it’ll taste better then.

Me: Good thinking, boy (hug)

Me: O hey please stop touching the walls. I just had them painted.

Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa.

Me: Ok stop touching the walls. Your hands are greasy and I’m trying to keep the new paint clean.

Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa, sorry.

Me: No, really, STOP TOUCHING THE WALLS when you walk past them.

Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa.

Me: PLEASE STOP! TOUCHING! THE! WALLS NOW!!

Grandboy: AAAUGH GWUMPA WHY YOU GOTTA SHOUT?!? YOU’RE BEING RUDE! JUST ASK NICELY NEXT TIME OK?!?

Grandboy (ear pressed against the asphalt): HEY GUYS! Can you hear… I heard a KRKRRRDKDRK sound in the earth. What IS that?!?

Me: O that’s probably one of the Under Ground people. You may be listening in on a conversation here.

Mamasan: And maybe THAT’S why I’m a paranoid adult. Thanks, Dad

Grandboy (eating ice cream in a cone): Yum.

Me: Why is it called, ‘Ice Cream’?

Grandboy: Cuz it’s cold. Like ice. And it’s got CREAM.

Me: So it should be called, ‘Creamy Ice’.

Grandboy: YAH Gwumpa I’ll call it ‘Creamy Ice’ from now on. (pretends to be ordering food) Hello please may I have some creamy ice?

—-

Wait til I tell him about flutterbys

Grandboy (preparing to show me something on Roblox): Gwumpa stay here. Don’t leave the room. I’m going to take you on a tour.

Me: Is it a three hour tour?

Grandboy: It’s a… what?

Me: Is it a three hour tour?

Grandboy: No Gwumpa

Me: Will the weather get rough? On the three hour tour?

Grandboy: What? No Gwumpa it’s nice outside. And I SAID NOT THREE HOURS. Maybe 5 minutes.

Me: Will the Minnow get lost?

Grandboy (exasperated): Gwumpa I don’t know the things you say sometimes. Just look at my tour but don’t ask any more questions please.