Grandboy (spots something outside the back truck window): Hey gwumpa there’s a snail holding onto your window.
Me (looks back): Ayep, sure is.
Grandboy: He sure likes it back there.
Me (driving): Ayep.
Grandboy: Because you’re a safe driver. Huh, gwumpa? He feels SAFE with you driving us around.
Me: …
Grandboy: Sooo… what if your WHOLE BACK WINDOW was covered with SNAILS gwumpa?
Me (thinking, “ewwwww”): The whole back window?
Grandboy: Yah! That means his whole family wanted to ride and he said it’s ok because you’re a SAFE DRIVER.
—-
Just goes to show you that one man’s slimy vehicle is another creature’s safe haven :p

Grandboy: You’d never lie, would you, gwumpa?
Me: What if I told you I ALWAYS lied? Would you believe me then?
Grandboy: Of course I would!
Me: But then you’d have to believe I’m lying.
Grandboy: …yea… (wheels start moving)
Me: But if I always lied, you couldn’t believe what I said, which was actually the truth.
Grandboy: Just DON’T LIE GWUMPA, DON’T DO IT. IT HURTS MY BRAIN

Grandboy: Too quiet in here. I can’t eat.
Me: Quiet is good. You can hear your enemies come when it’s quiet.
Grandboy: (through muffled bites of pancake): Who’s our enemy, gwumpa?
Me: Zombies. And people who would hurt us. (Opens the blinds) But looks like no zombies today.
Grandboy: Zombies aren’t real, are they gwumpa?
Me: Nah. Just pretend.
Grandboy (looks outside): I’ll be back. It’s nice outside.
Me: Ok. Listen for things. You might even hear birds out there.
Grandboy: Birds aren’t our enemy, are they gwumpa?
Me: Nah.
Grandboy: Ok gwumpa.
Me: Unless they are zombies.
Grandboy: GWUMPA