Grandboy: I’m the king of this land Me: Ah I see. How do you treat your people?
Grandboy: I am STRONG. If they don’t do what I say I lock them UP. Maybe forever. And punish them.
Me: That sounds like a bad king. I’ll have to stop you if you start doing that.
Grandboy: How you going to stop me, gwumpa? I have a million armies, no, a BILLION armies and you have just…
Me (looks at him and raises an eyebrow)
Grandboy: Or I can just FIRE them. (points to an invisible peasant) You’re FIRED!
—-
The best battle is won before a shot takes place.

Grandboy (making a sustained screeching sound)
Me: OI HEY OI STOP THAT
Grandboy: I can’t help it Gwumpa
Me: How ’bout, instead of screaming, you sing something. I’d like that better. So would everyone else.
Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa
(later)
Grandboy (singing, screechily) HELLO! IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR…?
—-
Screamo Lionel Richie. Awesome.

Grandboy (takes off shirt)
Me: Boy, put that shirt on.
Grandboy (hangs shirt on doorknob)
Me: What are you doing?
Grandboy: Gwumpa you said to put the shirt ON. You didn’t say WHAT to PUT IT ON.
—-
Can’t argue against that logic. But the shirt went back on his body eventually. Right side out and not backwards. Eventually.

Grandboy: O man why my pizza keep falling off my plate?
Me: Because you keep dropping it.
Grandboy: That means I need a bigger plate.
Me: Nice try, boy. Just be more careful 🙂
Grandboy (making a face, sticks out his tongue): Uh there’s pizza in my hair.
Me: How’d you get pizza in your hair?
Grandboy: NO I MEAN HAIR IN MY PIZZA
Me: So you’re having a hard time aren’t you?
Grandboy: I shouldn’t eat things off the floor.
—-
And so lessons are learned

Grandboy (at a koi fish pond slowly waving his arms): Come on, everybody! Gather round, gather round…
Mamasan (emulating him): Hey they aren’t coming to me.
Grandboy (stopping and backing away): That’s because they know I’m the Pokemon trainer. Try now.
Mamasan: Still no. They’re even hiding now.
Grandboy: You have to be PAAAATIENT mama. Put your arms out like you’re hugging them and gathering them up for a hug. Like this. (Moves foward, moves arms in scooping motion) GATHER ROUND PEOPLE Fish (swarm to the grandboy)
—
He may be useful as the hunter during our zompocalypse efforts