Grandboy: I’m the king of this land Me: Ah I see. How do you treat your people?
Grandboy: I am STRONG. If they don’t do what I say I lock them UP. Maybe forever. And punish them.
Me: That sounds like a bad king. I’ll have to stop you if you start doing that.
Grandboy: How you going to stop me, gwumpa? I have a million armies, no, a BILLION armies and you have just…
Me (looks at him and raises an eyebrow)
Grandboy: Or I can just FIRE them. (points to an invisible peasant) You’re FIRED!
—-
The best battle is won before a shot takes place.

Grandboy (making a sustained screeching sound)
Me: OI HEY OI STOP THAT
Grandboy: I can’t help it Gwumpa
Me: How ’bout, instead of screaming, you sing something. I’d like that better. So would everyone else.
Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa
(later)
Grandboy (singing, screechily) HELLO! IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR…?
—-
Screamo Lionel Richie. Awesome.

Grandboy (takes off shirt)
Me: Boy, put that shirt on.
Grandboy (hangs shirt on doorknob)
Me: What are you doing?
Grandboy: Gwumpa you said to put the shirt ON. You didn’t say WHAT to PUT IT ON.
—-
Can’t argue against that logic. But the shirt went back on his body eventually. Right side out and not backwards. Eventually.