Monster Mash

Grandboy got in trouble when he and another boy were punching each other in the cafeteria. The story, as relayed by mamasan:


Other boy: Hey look, is that your mom over there?

Grandboy: [looks “over there”]

Other boy: [suckerpunch to the gut]

Grandboy: [retaliatory strike]

[punching continues for a bit, no one is hurt, but phone calls had to be made]


Actually I take responsibility for this. I’ve always told the grandboy to never be afraid of monsters, but to stand strong and take them down if needed. He’s definitively on my zombpacolypse team




Ain’t never fair

Grandboy (having just lost an online game): Well, that’s not fair but life isn’t fair, right gwumpa?

Me: Yep. Keep practicing. You’re learning stuff.




Pretending to play

Me: [cleaning]

Grandboy: Gwumpa i’m driving my car to your shop. You can fix it for me?

Me: I can’t sorry, I’m cleaning things right now.

Grandboy: it’s PRETEND

Me: [looking over at pretend car] Sorry, I can’t play pretend. i need to get this stuff cleaned up before the working man comes here.

Grandboy: No gwumpa, PRETEND you’re playing with me.

Me: Ummmm, ok. I’m PRETENDING to play with you while i clean up the house.

Grandboy: Yay! That’s good gwumpa, good job




It’s never to early to learn how to irony

Me: Hey boy, come pick up these Legos.

Grandboy: UUUGH gwumpa I’m going to play with them LATERRRrrrrr…

Me: I almost stepped on one NOW. Please come pick them up.

Grandboy: Ok fine i pick them up. (starts cleaning) You know, you should be CAREFUL when you walk, or you gonna [exclaims] AAAAGH i STEPPED on a LEGO

Dog: …

Grandboy Stop laughing, Elvis. Not funny.

—-

It’s never to early to learn how to irony




Darkning

Grandboy: Gwumpa look, it’s lightning there

Me: Yep. What about the darkning?

Grandboy: The darkning? What’s the darkning?

Me: The opposite of lightning. It takes light out of the sky and removes noise from the air.

Grandboy: What?! That’s only make believe.

Me: Yes. I’ve never seen darkning.

Grandboy: You know what ELSE I never seen? A WHIRLPOOL. A GIANT WHIRLPOOL.

Me: Well, then maybe it’s make believe.

Grandboy: No, no gwumpa that’s REAL. I saw it on Minecraft.




What a handful

And me without any red or 2s. This kid is killin meh




Of course I am

Grandboy (playing battle Minecraft): Augh I died

Me: Hey but you’re getting better!

Grandboy: Of course I am

Humility is his best trait




Dusty prints

Young mamasans, when you’re in the checkout lane at the store, your kid is fussing and you notice the old fella behind you softly smiling…

He’s not really hearing the godawful racket in front, he’s remembering the tiny shoes leaving dust in the past.




When did he learn THAT? I wasn’t looking

Grandson: Hey look gwumpa I made an Ender Portal (jumps inside)

Me: …