Me: Hey you know why this (points to a picture) is called a dinosaur?

Grandboy: Why Gwumpa?

Me: ‘Cuz they’re dead. See? DIEnosaur.

Grandboy: Yah! They DIEnosaurs

Me: And if they were still alive they’d be LIVEasaurs

Grandboy: NO STAAAP

Me: Hey where’s my hug? I didn’t get one

Grandboy (backing away): Gwumpa no you got weak soldiers in you I’ll be weak if they come over and I can’t fight when the bad guys come in the house.

Me: Yep you’re right, I’m still weak

Grandboy: Mama got strong soldiers she protect us when you get weak.

Castle Doctrine student in training here.

Grandboy (looking over my shoulder as I am on my smartphone):Gwumpa wat game you playin?

Me: No game. Look.

Grandboy (nodding sagely): OOOH that’s because you’re OLK and OLK people don’t do fun things. Only little KIDS play games on phones.

Me (still reading): Yep, that’s how it works.

Grandboy: And when I get OLK I will do BORING things too but right now I’m just a kid and I can (starts dancing and spinning)

Me (watches him dance and bounce)

Grandboy (eventually stopping, then looks over at my phone): Gwumpa wat game you playin?

Shhhh… Short Attention Span Theatre in progress

Grandboy (quietly giggling and whispering is his raspy voice): hey gwumpa you can’t find me

gwumpa over here can’t find me (giggle)

hey look for me

Me: I can’t find you ‘cuz I ain’t lookin’ for ya.

Grandboy (stands up): GWUMPA

Hehe gotta know how to flush them out of the bushes

Told the grandboy that if he didn’t behave well on our outing, we’d go eat at Cow-fil-a.

That’s where cows poke little boys with sticks and eat THEM, instead of the other way round. Seems to be working.

Sometimes medieval approaches work moderately well…