This one is on Serenity. There’s a distinct link between serenity and peace. It doesn’t mean laziness – although to a mind troubled with the urge to move and change things in an attempt to find peace, serenity can indeed look like laziness.
Here are the quotes – I picked those that sang true to my heart. I hope they minister to you also!
“Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm”
“Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity.”- Lao Tzu
“Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.”- Thomas Szasz”
“Learn to be quiet enough to hear the sound of the geniune within yourself so that you can hear it in others.”- Marian Wright Edelman
“Let go of your problems and let God handle them. Let go of your hurt and let God heal you. Let go of your fear and let God sustain you. Let go of all your worries and let God bless you.”
Today’s thought is on kindness. Being “kind” is not being a “pushover”. It may seem like they are the same to someone who takes advantage of another, but they are really two different things.
When we are kind, truly kind as in considering another’s situation when making a decision, we actively seek changes that benefit us all. A pushover acts out of fear.
I can say from personal experience that fear in a relationship is never a good thing. The end result of these types of interactions may yield the same result, but the purpose behind them is much different.
Ultimately, the assertive kind person will positively influence others in ways that a fearful pushover cannot.
An fearful pushover person will likely say, “yes I will help you” and fume afterwards. No one really benefits from that.
An assertive kind person will likely say, “yes I will help you with that” so, but will take it to the next level by adding, “and next time, let’s work on [this] and [that] so you can do it on your own”.
By assertively and mindfully (and kindfully) sharing expectations for change, all benefit. Maybe not immediately. But a habit of this will ultimately yield results.
Here’s more info from a post that caused me to think about this:
Today’s thought is on doing the right thing even if doing that costs us.
I am not always successful in this. But I am successful at times and am so glad I am.
Specifically speaking, I am reminded of the debt obligation I am to be freed from at the beginning of next month.
I had a chat with my attorney back in 2009. “What would happen,” I asked, “if I chose not to pay the alimony I agreed to pay?”
The attorney didn’t hesitate. “Well, I can’t advise you to stop paying that alimony.”
I pressed on, “I know. And I would never ask you to help me do that. I’m asking what would likely happen if I simply stopped paying.”
He thought, and said, “She could take you to court, and she’d win.”
I kept on. “And what would happen as a result?”
The attorney asked, “Do you have any investment property or additional vehicles? Any jewelery or items of sizeable value? Any boats?”
I replied, “No, but I may be buying my Dad’s home.”
The attorney thought. “She wouldn’t get much. Texas says the home you live in and the vehicle you use to get to work can’t be taken from you in civil court. You’d be liable for her attorney and court fees.”
So in essence, I would be on the hook for a few hundred dollars, maybe a grand at most if I chose to not honor my agreement. I’d have to be very careful not to let slip my current state of affairs as she could continue to take me back to court as she saw fit.
I was sorely tempted to take that route.
At the time I had that conversation with my attorney, there was no end date to the alimony payments. I knew I’d be facing the same I sane amount after I retired as the day I agreed on the terms.
But that wasn’t the right thing to do.
I chose instead to stay the course and see what came up.
It wasn’t too long after that when suddenly out of the blue, your Mom offered an end date if I could meet certain conditions.
Was her inspiration a result of my decision to do the right thing? Hard to say.
But I’m glad I chose the path I took.
I’m free in a week or so. Completely free.
I don’t have to look over my shoulder. I don’t have to ask you kids not to say anything about my housing and income situation to her.
I can breathe easily knowing I did what I was asked to do and I did it to the best of my ability.
When I thought of my options in the past, I considered what life might be like for future me. I’m glad past me was a nice guy.
This is on the value of doing a good thing just for the sake of doing the thing.
When we do something good for another person, either by accident or by choice, it’s best to stop thinking beyond that. We can reflect on how the impact helped another and can certainly consider ways we could have done it better. Certainly we should consider whether what we thought was good for another really was good or if it actually caused trouble down the line.
But expecting praise or thanks in return for doing good is not something to dwell upon. It’s certainly not something to get upset about if the praise never comes.
It’s certainly worthwhile to help another person, especially those we are guiding – like our kids – to be thankful to others and to show their gratitude. That will help them be welcome anywhere as they graciously value help that others have provided.
But in helping others, if we are put off by the lack of thankfulness shown, we miss the point of adding good into this world.
Doing a good deed is both the journey and the end. That’s the first thing. If another benefits, that’s great! That’s the second thing.
We enjoy life much more fully if we stop at the two things and never expect the third thing.
This one is on mindfulness and how paying proper attention to a task brings it into one’s right frame of mind.
First, the quote, and then my thoughts behind it.
“The feeling that any task is a nuisance will soon disappear if it is done in mindfulness.”
Thích Nhất Hạnh
That is so true. I have mastered the art of waiting and doing the dull needed things because of this concept.
That doesn’t mean I’m a pushover and will weakly not do anything until someone tells me to do a thing.
This means I choose to do a thing, or wait to do a thing, with the exact intent of doing so for a purpose that I feel is important. Sounds weird to hear someone say they are actively not doing something but that’s a real thing.
Same goes for the dull, ugh chores that no one wants to do.
A sub-story in the story of Tom Sawyer is about how Tom tricks his friends into doing his chore of whitewashing a fence – and to pay HIM to do it – by showing how much fun the task was.
The writer, Mark Twain, was a brilliant man who knew people’s thoughts and motivations well.
It’s not a “fake it until you make it” mentality that works here. It’s looking for the joy that comes with the dull and meh tasks. That’s a blessing when you get to see these on demand!
As we experience various levels of pain, we also envision a better state of existence. I believe that vision is the birth of hope.
Just like we cannot have growth without struggle, we cannot have hope without pain.
Sometimes the pain seems overwhelming and there is no hope. That is a very real feeling and I’ve been the receiving end of that.
But just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
I don’t go around pretending to be happy or see happiness and hope and rainbows and cute bunnies in dark times. That’s self-delusional.
But what I do is honestly ask God to help me see the better state, the path that takes me to a better place, the vision that will make me fulfil my task using my natural talents.
This one is on the power of questions. In any conversation it’s easy to feel uncomfortable asking “why” and “what is this” when everyone else nodding their heads as someone is speaking.
In my profession there are so many opportunities to ask questions because so many things are brand new to me, even though I’ve been doing this for over 30 years.
During the first 10 years I always asked my questions quietly and in private because I assumed I was expected to know everything about the processes.
The next 10 years was spent asking the questions but only to a small group, since I understood not everyone expected me to know the answers up front.
Since then I’ve gained enough experience to know that if I’m not always asking questions, I’m opening the doors for failure since sometimes no one’s asked the critical questions soon enough.
Funny how as I get more experienced, I say things that young me thought would lead others to think I don’t know anything. But the truth is, I’m being complimented for doing just that. If only I’d known that 30 years ago, haha
Today’s Just Be thought is a rerun from a while back
This is about deciding what to spend time being concerned about. We will never know everything, but we usually know something about any given situation.
In any scenario we can choose which items to address and which to put off or ignore. The tricky part is knowing when is the right time to address or ignore something.
The attached post screen shot was a reminder to me today about what I can change and what I can’t. I was very frustrated today, but was reminded by my post that I don’t have to fix everything. Just some things, ha
Today’s Just Be thought is on how stillness transcends the physical realm.
There’s a reason powerful prayer and meditation and thought involve staying still. Things are in motion in this world all the time. Stuff clamours for our attention. Things blink and spin and go whirrrrr everywhere around us.
It’s the solid, still things in the world that allow all the action to take place around them and on them. I dare say these are some of the most powerful things around.
To grasp that power, we must focus on the stillness of our moments and our thoughts. Stillness does not mean dead to the world. It means seeing the path of action, and holding still until we choose it is the right time to move in mind, spirit, and heart.
Here’s the quote:
“Stillness is the only thing in this world that has no form. But then, it is not really a thing, and it is not of this world.”
Today’s thought comes after the chat and news about your relocation plans 😊
I’m honestly excited for you. I admit I did cry a bit after you all left. But these are a mix of pride, excitement, and “missing you” tears.
My response during our chat shows exactly why my ongoing practice of Stoicism is valuable. At that moment in time when hearing the idea, and as we chatted about it, I could set my emotions aside – not because the are unimportant, but exactly because they are important. Waiting til later to examine my feelings was what was needed to take in the information and provide the very best and cleanest feedback.
Later on I allowed myself to recall what you and the Grandboy and That Fella and yes, even little Tiny Girl have shared. That’s when the tears came to visit. I’m so very proud of you for so many reasons. I’m proud of That Fella also for his actions also.
Mostly I’m proud of both of y’all in sorting through issues and challenges together and coming up with plans instead of being anchored to things that trip you up.
I cry a little because I honestly will miss you but moreso I cry because I see you on a great path. No matter where you live you will excel while you approach things as you all do.
Not just the usual thoughts like, “Hey I woke up today, that’s a pretty good start” (which is actually a really good starting point), but on the idea that we are experiencing life in all its good and bad moments.
We can learn through all of these moments in time.
We can grumble about having to get up in the morning and face problems, or we can eagerly awake, knowing a problem that’s waiting for us is going to take a licking from us.
I thought about the huge pile of scrub that needed to be disposed of next to the burn area in my yard as I watched the video I linked to. It’s still there, but exists in ash form. This was costly to collect – I paid three guys to gather it here – and was a lot of work to break down and burn.
But this challenge is over and done.
It’ll come up again, as trees and vines do their magic and the work has to be repeated. But I’ll be up for the challenge again as needed.
Just as I plan to be ready for all the challenges that come my direction.
This is coming a bit early today but I wanted to pass it on now, after listening to a podcast a friend shared.
There is a lot of bad in the world. People can be cruel, cold hearted, and terrible. Events can take place that harm others, and many times these events are triggered by people with the intent of causing harm.
But then again, right now, there are people going good things.
People are caring for each other, right now.
People are doing things with the intent of helping others.
I imagine these people’s hearts sound like Bob Ross talking while he paints.
Here’s something to listen, and the man himself explains why he took to painting in the first place while serving in the military.
I was taking a break and as I looked outside the window I noticed three butterflies chasing each other.
Right now there are a lot of them in the area and I see them all over. These three seemed so playful that I wished for a second I’d have captured them on camera to share.
But then I remembered that some things are meant to be enjoyed fully without also trying to capture the moment for later review.
Here’s the quote – she captures the idea better than I
“Life is made up of a collection of moments that are not ours to keep. The pain we encounter throughout our days spent on this earth comes from the illusion that some moments can be held onto. Clinging to people and experiences that were never ours in the first place is what causes us to miss out on the beauty of the miracle that is the now. All of this is yours, yet none of it is. How could it be? Look around you. Everything is fleeting.
To love and let go, love and let go, love and let go…it’s the single most important thing we can learn in this lifetime.”
Today’s thought is on thankfulness and how it changes ones perspective on how we communicate with others.
I was reminded of that as the grand boy and I were working on our new Lego kits I bought for his visit. I was impressed by how many times he said, “thank you” as we worked on these.
There were moments of his frustration and I guided him through them without picking up on his angst 😊
The best part was when he got past the moment and almost immediately thanked me for the guidance or assistance or just the silence if he asked me to not speak while he was sorting through his emotions.
This encouraged me as I knew you are taking the same level of care to help him and you get through the day, moment by moment, in a world of thankfulness.
The quote is actually a meme that came across my news feed
Now, why would anyone focused on contemplative thinking ever think about fighting? War, especially?
It should happen more than you’d think. People in groups act weirdly, and almost never to your advantage.
It’s important then, to consider calmly the possibilities that can happen when masses of people begin acting in ways that can surprise you.
This doesn’t mean to panic or worry that everything is crashing. Quite the opposite.
When you study the art of war – and it is an art – you can be more confident in dealing with surprises. You’ll learn how to influence others in ways that are beneficial to you and to them. You’ll understand how an ally is different from a friend.
You will learn to lead with grace and confidence in any given moment.
I’ve read and studied a text from ages ago called “The Art of War”. At first reading it seems to not have a lot of relevance in my daily life.
I mean, I don’t lead troops of horsemen to possible doom in weather and terrain conditions that could kill them and me on this spot.
But I have raised a family, and have guided each of you through scenarios that could devastate us if things had gone badly.
I’ve needed to understand when is the right time to call upon an ally and when to call upon a friend.
I needed a peace of mind and understanding of human behaviour in troubled times that comes from taking input from those who’ve fought actual battles.
Here’s a link to a site that I found tonight. It contains the translated text from the book I read. Next to the passages it explains in modern terms what is meant by the words. Ha, I could have used that years ago!
This one is on thinking like a child. We adults can’t always do that, because of our obligations and filters we’ve developed over time to make sense of this world.
But do take time to see the world as a child would. That is the best way to just be.
Here’s the quote:
“Go outside. Don’t tell anyone and don’t bring your phone. Start walking and keep walking until you no longer know the road like the palm of your hand, because we walk the same roads day in and day out, to the bus and back home and we cease to see. We walk in our sleep and teach our muscles to work without thinking and I dare you to walk where you have not yet walked and I dare you to notice. Don’t try to get anything out of it, because you won’t. Don’t try to make use of it, because you can’t. And that’s the point. Just walk, see, sit down if you like. And be. Just be, whatever you are with whatever you have, and realise that that is enough to be happy. There’s a whole world out there, right outside your window. You’d be a fool to miss it.”