Q:

Why did the Dalai Lama enter the Pizza Parlour?

A:

Because he wanted the cook to make him One with Everything

It came to me one day as I was traveling down the road that all dead bugs I’ve seen which are not squished are lying on their backs.  And there seem to be so many bugs in the world.

I needed to know more so I asked my Teacher.

“Teacher”, I asked, “Why are there so many bugs in the world, and why do they lie on their backs to die?”

“Ah,” said my Teacher, who was plentiful in the ways of Wisdom in the World, and who knew much about everything, “for this I shall tell a Story”.

“There was a Man,” started my Teacher, who often started stories in this manner, “who was not just any man, he was a Holy Man.  He was a Dalai Lama.

And He liked Joy and Happiness in the World, and encouraged everyone to Laugh and Smile at happy Jokes told all around.

So this Man called to Order a Sect, one that would embody the virtues to which he held so dear.

This would be a Special Sect, one that spread Joy and Happiness to others in the Telling of Funny Anecdotes and Humorous Tales.  Therefore, to be considered for inclusion in the Sect, one needed to be Very Clever Indeed with Words.

This man invited All to Join and Be Questioned by the Holy man.

So they arrived, the Rich and the Poor and those with Just Enough.  Along came also the Bards and Poets and Statesmen.

And even Animals also, for they had Tales to Tell and Stories to Share.

The Holy man would interview all, and admonished each to Not Share the final Question, which was the most Difficult of All to answer.

‘Why did the Dali Lama enter the Pizza Parlor?” He would ask.

But Alas! None could answer.

Each Person under scrutiny would exit, and be asked by those hopeful to be part of the group, “Did you make it?  Are you In?”

“No,” would come the sad response, “I am Out and not In.”

“Ah So!” would come the cry.  “So sad.  Perhaps I can make it In”.

And So it went for such long time.

When finally, when all had failed, as the Holy man prepared to leave, he heard a tiny Voice and Looked Down.

“Sir,” came the voice from a Very Small Bug, “may I try to join?”

The Holy man, understanding that sometimes Very Large Gifts come from Very Surprising Places, granted the little bug an audience with him.

And finally came time for the Final Question.  And like the others, Alas! The little bug knew not the answer.

Dejected, the Holy man stood and started to pack things up.  But he was startled when he heard the Very Small Voice come back to him.

“Sir,” came the voice from the Very Small Bug, “please, if you would, be so kind as to tell me the Answer to the Question?”

Well, this was the first time anyone had asked this, so the Holy man, being of a Kind and Thoughtful Nature, proceeded to give The Answer to the diminutive guest.

The Little Bug, upon hearing the Reply, was so startled by the Answer that it didn’t know what to think for a Moment.  And after thinking for a bit, it started to Laugh.  Huge, large peals of Belly Laughter sprang forth from the Very Small Bug until it could scarcely Breathe.

The Bug was laughing so hard that it fell upon its back, with its hands and feet doubled up unto its Belly, and the Holy man laughed with the Very Small Bug and they were Very Happy for that Moment in Time.

However, soon the Laughter from the Very Small Bug died, as indeed the bug itself had perished in the fit of laughter.  Its little Body was still curled up and it was lying On its Back.

“Well,” sighed the Dalai Lama, “that was truly a Being of Great Joy.”

And seeing how much the Very Small Bug enjoyed the Joke which the Holy man had Told, he touched the bug ever so lightly and Blessed the body of the Very Small Bug.

“You have Made It, my little Friend,” said the Dalai Lama gently, “yes indeed you are In.

You are the only one of all kinds of Creatures that have made it Into this Sect.

From this Day forth, your Descendants shall be Numerous and upon Death, they also shall die Happy as you have Died.

This I grant upon All Very Small Bugs.”

And that, my friends, is why bugs die on their backs, and why there are so many of them; for they have become synonymous with the In sect.

Ok, so taking my son for an after-dark walk in the woods, and after 25 mins of walking, asking him if I’d ever told him the Bible story of Abraham and Issac was not the friendliest of things to do.

But it was funny and he appreciated the humor.

I think though, I pushed it too far when he asked if we could head back a few minutes later when we’d stopped for a break and my response was, (in a dark voice), “Not yet, I have to wait for the others to arrive”

Clouds are nebulous, fuzzy-looking, fluffy things that cause airplane pilots grief since they can’t see what’s in them.

If I were above a cloud and throw things into it, the things will fall and I can’t see where they went.

So do I really want my important files, software and music I paid for stored in clouds?

Although, I can see the appeal of this type of service, both for consumers and support personnel alike.

Using Cloud Computing, one can log in from anywhere, using any interface, whether or not one is at home, at work, or at a friend’s house.

Both the software that one has signed up for and the data that one has stored in The Cloud would be available after logging in.  For the most part, it wouldn’t matter which version of operating system is on the machine in front of the logged-in user, for the Cloud Service would ideally be indifferent to the user interface (i.e. Windows v Mac v Mobile Phone and Chrome v Firefox v Internet Explorer).

For systems administrators, this would be a benefit too – since The Cloud computing devices would be linked together, acting as one big computer, and system patches and hardware upgrades would be centrally-controlled.  This means no more help-desk calls from the end-users trying to figure out why a given software package failed to run on the local PC/laptop after installing “other software” or after installing new hardware drivers.

But, for the younguns out there in cyber-cyberland, this isn’t a brand new, out-of-the-box idea…

I humbly present you some the concepts that were floating on clouds of their own about, o, let’s say, 46 years now:

• Oldspeak: “mainframe computer” (Newspeak: “The Cloud“) A thing that stored all the data and ran all the software from a far, far away place… one never had to install anything to make this work, never had to troubleshoot the drivers/hardware incompatibilities, and best of all, never had to run virus scanning software on it since the sysadmins did that somewhere, wherever they hid during daylight hours
  ^^^ OLD
  ^^^ NEW

• Oldspeak: “dumb/text terminals” (Newspeak: “Web Browser“) Places where one would log into the system and have access to all one’s files and programs – these didn’t have any “intelligence” built into them, as they only provided a way into “The Cloud”
  ^^^ OLD 

  ^^^ NEW

• Oldspeak: “CICS – Customer Information Control System” (“Newspeak: “HTTP” or “Hypertext Transfer Protocol”) A server (or protocol in this case) that controls data flow between the one’s self and “The Cloud”, organising the data and program flow even though the server doesn’t have complete and full control of the environment (like programs do when they are running on a local PC/laptop/mobile phone)
  ^^^ OLD 

  ^^^ NEW

More good and interesting links about Cloud Computing are here

http://computer.howstuffworks.com/cloud-computing.htm

http://www.thepicky.com/tech/difference-cloud-computing-vs-grid-computing/

Q:  “If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?”

A:  It was all a FBI/CIA plan to keep Thurston Howell III and his wife out of circulation.

The President at the time was concerned about the alarming amount of the Howells’ cartel money flowing to Cuba and assigned Anton Deppesphere (otherwise known as ‘Gilligan’) to the case.

The Professor (agent name ‘Baraxus’) actually worked for the Treasury Department and was temporarily re-assigned to the IRS to assess the actual wealth of Mrs Howell.  Mr. Howell’s wealth was well-known to the government as he was a front, and needed to look “clean” to help prepare the path for his wife’s activities.

It was MRS Howell who was under investigation.  She was the mastermind of the operation being targeted for, and actually had a far greater influence on international political sensitivities than did her husband.

The rest of the folks were just as portrayed; it was only through the cunning mastery of interpersonal interaction that Anton and Baraxus were able to continue the operation until the Cuban missile crisis had cooled off.

Lancelot Link was present too, but undercover and no one took much notice of him.  However he was vital to the success as he relayed communication between the other field agents and headquarters.  He used a coconut radio, which is actually more efficient than is widely known.