Gwumpa Stories

Grandboy (dancing around on one foot): Grandpa hey grandpa I’m a I’m a figment of your imagination.

Me: O yep?

Grandboy: Yes I have been this whole time.

Me: Well apparently I have a very active imagination.

Whatever he’s doing, it involves a baseball bat, a leaf blower, and being stripped down to his underwear.

Sometimes it’s best not to ask questions.

The grandboy is reading the instructions on a trampoline.

Grandboy: Hey it says children should be using this with supervision. So I need an adult with me.

Me: You wouldn’t need one if you were Superboy.

Grandboy: Huh? Why is that?

Me: Because he already has super vision.

Grandboy: AAAAAHHHHH

We are enjoying the bonfire.  The grandboy comes walking over with a smoldering piece of wood.

Grandboy: Grandpa, we’re both lucky.

Me: Oh yah? Why is that?

Grandboy (with a look of suspicion on his face): Well, this is the SECOND time I’ve rescued my hammer and battle rifle from your fire.

Me (thinking quickly, as I didn’t realize it had made it into the burn pile): Well now it’s stronger for having survived the fire.

Grandboy: Twice.

Me: And that’s actually how ancient warriors used to harden their spears.

Grandboy (whacking the ground with his blackened weapon now that it’s in Hammer Mode): Yep look how strong this is!

Grandboy: …and THAT’S why making my wife happy is the most important thing.

Me: Well, what if making your wife happy hurts the entire family? I’m not sure you’d want that.

Grandboy (thinking): Oh yah, like if my wife says, “honey it would make me so happy if you robbed a bank” and I’d be like, “no my love because I’d end up in prison and the kids would have no dad and you’d have to earn all the money by yourself” so yah in that case I’d have to tell her “NO” and let her be unhappy.

—

I’ll save the question, ‘And what if robbing the bank was the only way to save your child’s life?” for a later day, hehe

Grandboy (looking at his empty bowl): Grandpa, in another multiverse I got another bowl of ice cream…

Me: Hm. Well that version was visiting a grandpa in a different multiverse, too

Grandboy: A while ago a girl at school introduced me to her friend as “her boyfriend”

Me (raised eyebrow): Hmmm?

Grandboy (quickly): But I really wasn’t her boyfriend and said “hey I’m not your boyfriend” and she was like “yah, he’s a friend who is a boy”. Isn’t that weird how boy friend” and “boyfriend” sound so much alike?

Me: Maybe she really wanted you to be her boyfriend…

Grandboy (lightbulb moment): …ooo yahhh and she was testing me to see if I would say yes I AM her boyfriend!

Me: Girls can be tricky

Grandboy: …but can’t trick ME

Me: Well someday you MAY be someone’s boyfriend so you’d better be a good one.

Grandboy: But THAT day wasn’t the day! Whew I barely escaped with my LIFE

Grandboy: Grandpa why are the “best rated” games on Xbox store so violent?

Me: Because…

https://www.windowscentral.com/heres-some-interesting-stats-about-xbox-one-owners-microsoft-shared-partners

Showing the eldest grandboy how to make swans/dragons of different sizes

I’ve learned the eldest grandboy fills quiet spaces with his homemade songs. As a result, I’ve subtly made an increase in quiet spaces effective immediately.

He seems to have absorbed Gene Kelly’s style, so that’s not a bad thing at all.

How did he pick up on Gene Kelly? Well it’s not all punk and EDM over here when I’m working from home!

Grandboy (preparing to take a bath): Grandpa tonight I’m just taking a quick bath. No playing or anything.

Me: Ok

Grandboy: You know how sometimes I play in the bath.

Me: Yep

Grandboy: Just a quick one.

Me: Yep

Grandboy: Not playing so I can get out quickly.

Me: Ok.

Grandboy (running the water and to the Minecraft guys): Ok guys no playing today

Minecraft guys (in unison): YES SIR

Grandboy (singing): No plaaaayinggg

Minecraft guys (singing): We arennnn’t plaaaayinggg

(Sounds of playing ensue)

Grandboy: BWAAAP BWAAAP BWAAAP BWAAAP

Me: What are you doing?

Grandboy: BWAAAP BWAAAP BWAAAP BWAAAP

Me (stares in Texan): …

Grandboy: I’m being an annoying parrot

Me: You’re doing a surprisingly good job.

Grandboy: You’re doing a surprisingly good job.

Me: Huh?

Grandboy: Huh?

Me (catching on): I said nothing.

Grandboy: I said nothing.

(we do this for about 5 iterations)

Me: Would you like a hug?

Grandboy: Would you like a hug?

Me (reaching out)

Grandboy (reaching out)

* Hug *

—- sometimes we need to get to the root of the behavior —–

The eldest grandboy wanted cookies. I introduced him to exercise and to some random algorithm in the process.

So far he’s on the 2nd iteration

Introduced the eldest grandson to a software package that allows him to create his own role-playing games. He’s using the ‘puter hooked to the tv and I’m next to him on my laptop.

It’s a wonderful experience as he’s learning the power of creating games instead of playing them. He can create the dialogue and environment himself and control the number and power of monsters that the team he creates will encounter.

I’m also reminded of why paired programming is not my fav style of development. I’ve installed a copy of the software on my laptop so I can delve deeper into areas of interest, and suddenly I’ve become the research guy on the two-person team 🙂

And I thought I was going to have an easy winter hols break from work, haha

Grandboy (interrupting himself as he’s singing the song, “Love is All You Need”): Grandpa, is love really all you need?

Me: Well, you probably need a warm bed and some food to eat at some point

Grandboy (laughing): Way to ruin a great song, grandpa. They should call you Song-Breaker 😀

Grandboy: Grandpa I had a really bad nightmare last night

Me (preparing for a tale of zombies and monsters): O no. Would you like to talk about it?

Grandboy: Yah. I dreamt I logged onto my game and all the high level people I worked so hard for had vanished. It was horrible.

Me: Ah. I know the feeling.

Grandboy: You had a dream like that?

Me: Yep it’s called retirement planning, boy